Why Guys Lose Interest After the Chase
We all have a natural inclination to want something even more that we do not (or potentially cannot) have—doing everything in our power to get it. However, once we have obtained what we were chasing so hard after, is the interest still there in the desire to keep it?
Yes, it is an incredible feeling to have a man (who you are also interested in) work very hard at convincing you that he is, in fact, all about you (and only you). But are the reasons behind his actions genuine, or is it all about the chase?
Some men enjoy—really, really enjoy—the challenge of trying to date, have sex, or get a woman to agree to be exclusive …
Here’s the thing, ladies, most men’s brains are wired differently than ours. Men are a little more chemically and emotionally wired to feel extremely prideful (and frankly, in their element)—in regards to the chase.
The chase for most men is a primal response. He will first notice a woman that he is attracted to (and wants). He will hunt her down (courting/wooing her). And then he will devour her (have sex, date or have her fall in love with him). Once this mission has been accomplished, many men will lose interest. What is shocking for lots of women is that this type of guy will literally do a one-eighty shortly after wooing her so hard.
The first few weeks or months of being chased will be incredible. He will act like you are his one and only.
His actions make you think that the thought of you not being in his life is unthinkable …
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He calls or text messages every day—and multiple times throughout
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He tells you he misses you
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He pre-plans dates with you
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He pre-plans days when he wants to see you—not waiting until the last minute
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He includes you in his plans—seeing friends, family members, or co-workers
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He is affectionate with you in public
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He will bring flowers or small gifts every time you see him
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He is a “giving” lover
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He walks side-by-side with you
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He compliments you all the time
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He’s extremely mentally and emotionally available when he’s with you—his phone will be off or on vibrate, or he won’t have it with him at all
Men Lose Interest After the Chase
Once you have been swept off your feet and have either slept with him, become exclusive, or fallen in love, after time (weeks to possibly three months later), his feelings toward you start to change …
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His communication lessens—fewer calls/text messages throughout the day (and then throughout the week)
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He rarely tells you he misses or loves you
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You can’t remember the last time he planned a date
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When he does see you, he fits you into his schedule last minute and is disengaged
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He doesn’t include you anymore when he goes out with friends, family, and/or co-workers
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His schedule becomes busy with other obligations to other people and events
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He is less affectionate with you in public—rarely holds hands or kisses you anymore
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He’ll walk ahead of you
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Any sort of gift-giving stops
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Sex becomes very one-sided
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He rarely compliments you
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When he finally makes time for you, he isn’t emotionally or mentally present—he’s on his phone
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He starts nitpicking (a lot)—finding things about you that he doesn’t like
As women, we will blame ourselves for this man’s sudden apparent disinterest, thinking that we did something wrong. Nope! Honestly, the only thing you did wrong was give this type of guy any of your attention in the first place. Unfortunately, men who enjoy the thrill and excitement of the chase will be so good at it that you won’t be able to decipher if it’s real. Also, they tend to become bored rather easily.
The chase will continue to happen if you let it …
A friend of mine had repeatedly dated her ex-boyfriend. When they were not together, he would work hard to get her back. The reason why they kept breaking up; when they were exclusive, he would lose interest in her. His loss of interest would cause him to stop doing all the things that initially won her back. Wonderful.
This cycle between them continued for many years …
Each time her ex emotionally exited their relationship, he would leave my friend heartbroken and confused. Why did he work so hard to get her back if he didn’t really want her? Why tell her that he finally realizes that she is the one—and wants to spend the rest of his life with her but then would walk out of her life—once again?
Chasing is a huge thrill, especially if you obtain what you have been chasing. Men who enjoy the thrill of the chase don’t always realize how hurtful their actions are when they end up losing interest.
This type of guy doesn’t necessarily plan on being bored and disinterested. Often times he will hope the excitement that was created during the process of winning your heart will continue. When it doesn’t, he will emotionally push you away to make room for the next chase. Great.
After they break up and time has passed, when my friend’s ex can feel that she is emotionally moving on from him, he will cast his line into her emotional pond to reel her back in …
First, he will weasel back into her life as a “friend,” Then, he will make a lot of time and effort to see her, always being readily available—again, just as friends. Finally, the flirting will begin, the compliments will start, and he will be overly supportive—reminding her of how great of a guy he is and how great they are together.
Although my friend would proceed with caution every time her ex would make his way back into her life, between her heart, his words and actions, and their chemistry and compatibility, she would find herself emotionally entangled again. Yikes!
Well, a gal can only take so much. Every time he would come back into her life, her hesitation would make him want her more. Seriously. She wasn’t purposely playing hard to get; she was treading on water due to the fear of getting hurt again, which kept happening. My friend finally realized her ex-boyfriend had a pattern; he was all about the chase, and she was no longer going to be part of his emotionally immature game-playing.
What many men fail to realize is that most women aren’t purposely playing hard to get …
When a woman shows disinterest in a guy or isn’t trying to jump into a relationship, this tends to occur for various reasons:
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She was emotionally, mentally, or physically hurt by a guy in her past (possibly the same guy that wants her back)
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She doesn’t trust men
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She is dating other men
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She’s emotionally immature
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She’s preoccupied with her personal life—job, kids, etc
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She is not looking to settle down
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She doesn’t see a future with the guy
Ladies, being romantically chased by a guy only means something if he is working just as hard to keep you once you are in an exclusive relationship. If not, don’t waste your time playing games with this type of man … let him go chase after someone else! Your future self will thank you.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Article originally posted on PairedLife.com
